Mixed emotions

What if I found my way back to the civilization? What if I finished working here at the farm and headed to Adelaide for a month? What if I actually bought a car? How much to spend on it? How much to save for travelling? What if I would not think of those things? What if? And what is going through my mind? The answers to those and other questions cannot be found. Or can?!

The busy days are over, apparently and also confirmed by head of staff, Richie. It’s a good thing on one hand but it is not really why I’m here. I have nothing against starting late and finishing early but unfortunately that around here does not mean a lot of money, yet it means too much free time and nothing to do with it. Also as the irish lads are now off, took them to Adelaide airport this morning, there is noone else in the house which makes it all pretty empty. Moreover as they sold their car to Andy and I do not have any myself, then I need to find a solution to get to work and back. Ok, doable, I’ll find my way around. But to shop?! I need to get there aswell from time to time. Again doable, I’ll find some solution. But for what actually?! I mean if the days will be as long as they have been for the past 2 days – 9,5h of work then it does not make too much sense to just sit around. Or am I being too grumpy and impatient?

So that’s why there are some questions in my mind. A wise idea would be to figure out what I, me and myself actually want and the rest is just a consequence of the pieces of thoughts that go through the mind day in and day out.

Taking the trip to Adelaide this morning was interesting. First time on public roads with more traffic, driving the Mitsubishi ute, right hand side wheel with manual gearbox, taking it through Adelaide. No big deal to be honest. J And did not get lost either. But that’s not important. What is more important to me is the feeling of being in a city, after a long while. And today Adelaide felt different. Maybe it was because of the nice sunny weather, maybe because I was driving, maybe because it was a city with all the nice things you can find there. Don’t know, but it felt good! And I understood right when I crossed the last intersection with trafficlights that I miss it. The city, the livelyness, socializing, people. I am not saying I am that homesick, though it will be indeed splendid to come home for a while, but I am saying that it might be time to move on. Let’s see... J

Oh, I almost forgot. I had a birthday a couple of days ago. It's now 27 years in the making and still not satisfied with the result. J Thank you mom and dad and Mattias and Merje for the package! And thank you all for all the good words! And thank whatever I did not have one of those 16-19 hour days! J However to be honest, this time around the day did not have it’s glance. It was indeed overwhelming to receive all those best wishes and to see how many people are or might be thinking of me that day, but there was something missing – the joy! Don’t worry because I am not, it’s called life and I chose to take it by the horns. J

But that evening gave me a nice shot!